If you want your relationship to go well, you simply must have a core set of abilities that are necessary for Relationship to go well.
One of the habits that are not optional involves the ability to react effectively when your partner says or does things that you don’t like.
When you feel that your partner is doing something that’s selfish or insensitive, it might seem to you that s/he is the one who needs to change.
The ability to react effectively when feeling upset with one’s partner separates the men from the boys, and the women from the girls when it comes to having the emotional intelligence needed to sustain relationships.
Thankfully, hundreds of studies prove that the ability to shift internal states can be strengthened through practice
- interrupt the tendency to ruminate;
- strengthen the ability to let go of upset feelings;
- reduce physical arousal in response to perceived threat;
- curb urges to judge, interrupt, counter, dispute, criticize and defend during disagreements;
- foster the inclination to remain open and flexible during disagreements;
Here’s How we Roll:
Unless circumstances prevent it, we’ll meet with you and your partner together for the first session. Then we’ll meet with each of you for separate sessions during the following week.
These three sessions will be devoted to understanding each of your concerns, your relationship habits, your dreams, and what it feels like to be each of you in this relationship. Then we’ll discuss a plan with you for how to make your relationship better.
We’ll guide you through three phases of therapy along your way to a better relationship.
Step 1: Rapid Relief
In the first phase, we’ll do most of the “heavy lifting” for you.
Your job is simply to be open to trying new things and follow our lead. We’ll quickly identify your core issues and talk to each of you about the changes you need to make in a straight-forward, no-nonsense way.
If this sounds scary, it’s really not. You’ll feel supported and understood, even when you’re feeling challenged.
Do you feel hurt? Betrayed? Stuck? Our calm presence and expert guidance will enable you to have healing conversations with your partner that you couldn’t otherwise have, and you’ll quickly resolve issues that have stubbornly refused resolution in the past. With very few exceptions, people who work with us are amazed at the changes they see in the first month of counseling.
Step 2: Hard Work
Now comes the hard part. In fact, we often refer to the second stage of the program as “Relational Boot Camp.”
Research says the wide range of bad things that happen in relationships can all be traced to a single cause – deficiencies in the core set of abilities that are necessary for relationships to go well.
There are abilities that are shared by almost all people who know how to get their partners to treat them well, and thanks to decades of painstaking research, we now know exactly what they are.
In Step 2, you’ll receive step-by-step guidance that will enable you to develop the full range of relationship habits that are needed for your relationship to thrive.
Counseling sessions will be supplemented by dozens of between-session exercises that are designed to rewire your brains for more flexibility. We’ll recommend an extensive collection of reading , audio & Journaling resources that will help you avoid common pitfalls and stay on track with the changes that you need to make.
Step 3: Creating a Truly Enjoyable Relationship
Breaking old habits requires hard work, but your relationship won’t thrive if it’s all work and no play.
Couples whose relationships flourish have fun together. They miss each other when apart, enjoy tackling challenges together, look forward to talking about their individual triumphs and challenges, and they love the feeling of being co-adventurers in life. Their interactions are saturated with warmth, tenderness, affection and genuine interest.
In the last stage of therapy, you’ll become experts at sparking feelings of love and desire in each other, and you’ll engage in exercises that increase carefree, enjoyable moments. You’ll discover ways to open your hearts, allowing feelings of warmth, tenderness, affection, playfulness, sexual desire and loving connection to increase.
How Long will Therapy Take?
The length of therapy will vary according to your needs, and how much energy you can invest in the process as it unfolds.
In the beginning, your therapist may recommend one session per week. As the weeks go by, sessions will be needed less frequently.
Some partners feel satisfied with their changes after just a few weeks, and some continue to feel that important changes are happening for an entire year. In general, we recommend that you consider committing yourself to a minimum of 8 -10 regular therapy sessions.
If you want changes to happen really quickly and you can set aside time in your schedule to accelerate the counseling process, you might want to consider jump-starting therapy by working intensively with a therapist for 4-5 hours per day for up to three days in a row.
Who is Relationship & Couples Counseling for?
You have likely heard intimate relationship therapy referred to as couples counseling or marriage counseling, but we recognize that our romantic partnerships can be multifaceted and exist outside of the heteropatriarchal norm.
We welcome relational configurations of all kinds, including consensual non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships, open partnerships, partnerships with diverse gender expressions or sexualities, as well as non-romantic partnerships like creative or business partners.
Relationship counseling can benefit anyone.
Relationship therapy sessions can be beneficial for those who want to deepen their intimacy, work through disagreements, heal from betrayal, and feel more secure within their partnership. The Soul Talk team works with folx who wish to develop better communication, to learn to meet their own and their loved ones’ needs, and to navigate tough times with increased confidence. In short, we welcome anyone who wants to access more compassion in their relationships and develop more nourishing connections. Our clients schedule relationship counseling for a variety of situations, including:
- New relationships or Premarital Counseling with partners who want to feel more committed, confident, aligned and secure.
- Marriage counseling & Long-term partners who want to continue growing together, or feel more connected.
- Partners navigating intercultural or interracial relationship challenges and wanting to bridge more understanding and celebration of their differences.
- Business partners, bandmates, and co-stars who have creative differences and are struggling to work together.
- Partners who are navigating betrayal or infidelity and want to repair or compassionately end their relationship.
- Those engaged in non-traditional relationships who want to create a safe, nourishing, and equitable environment for all parties.
- New parents who need support in redefining their partnership in the context of their growing family.
- Partners navigating significant life transitions or crises like relocation, retirement, or the loss of a loved one and seeking to better support one another and reestablish feelings of security.
Biological families, blended families, and families-of-choice who are trying to create more stability and deepen intimacy bonds.